


The Flim Flam Stan

by narwhalpuppy



Category: American Dad
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 11:44:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6955171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narwhalpuppy/pseuds/narwhalpuppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Gay Marriage Law about to be passed within a week is announced, Greg and Terry plan to get married.  Stan and Roger pay the ultimate price when they try to encourage citizens to vote against it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Flim Flam Stan

**Author's Note:**

> Don't take offense to this fanfic. It is American Dad after all, and adult cartoons do episodes based on these topics. Please excuse some of the graphic scenes and language in this, too. Don't believe in censorship! Other than that, enjoy this fanfiction!

American Dad Presents

 

A Narwhal Puppy Production

 

The Flim Flam Stan

 

* * * 

 

Inside the Smith home in a yellow house on Cherry Street, Stan Smith and his faithful wife Francine were both watching TV. Donald Trump was on giving a speech. 

Donald Trump was saying in his speech, "I will build a wall to keep the immigrants out! I will give back jobs imported to other countries! I will put an end to the mess Obama has left! Therefore, I will make America great again!" 

Stan squeals in delight as he jumps up and down. "Here that, Francine! Trump is running for President!! This is like a wet dream! Here that, minorities! You're going back to where you came from!" 

"I see it, Stan!" said Francine dejectedly.

"I will also put an end to this worthless Obama Care!" continued Trump. Stan cheers again, "Oh, yes! Oh yes! You go, Trump! You da Man! You da *beep*ing Man! He's going to make America Great Again!" 

"Just as hopeful as you are," said Francine. Unfortunately, Trumps speech was interupted by a local news break. The television said, "We interrupt this Trump speech to give you a local news bulletin. Joining us will be Greg Corbin and Terry Bates." 

"WHAT!?!?!?!?! They're interrupting Trump's powerhouse speech for THEM?!" said Stan in disbelief.

"Let's hear what they have to say." said Francine.

"Yes, that is like you isn't it? Considering you took over for Terry once." said Stan.

Greg and Terry were going to give a big announcent. 

"Breaking News. This just in. In a week or so, Langley Falls in going to pass a Gay Marriage Bill!" exclaimed Terry. 

"Everyone here will be able to vote either for it or against it." said Greg. "Be sure to vote at City Hall and check in with the mayor and tell him how you feel. The Law is called Proposition 69." 

Greg and Terry both start acting very giddy. Stan was growing angerier by the minute as he was watching. 

"If it Prop 69 passes, Gay Marriage will finally be legal here in Langley Falls!" said Terry as he looked lovingly into Greg's eyes.

"Then we can finally tie the knot and get married like we've always dreamed!" said Greg in awe. "Help us achieve or dream, people!"

"It will take a week to get the law passed, we will know the results next Monday!" said Terry. 

"We need your help, citizens! Vote yes on Prop 69, and get this gay marriage law passed so Greg and I can have what we always wanted." and Terry. "I love you"! "No, I love you more!" They both said flirting with one another. The TV goes back to the speech, but it ended. Stan picks up a couch and throws it over. "NNNOOO!!!!! I want more Trump! Put back on Trump!" screamed Stan pounding his fists on the television. 

"Stan! You don't have to...." began Francine.

"How can they disrupt Trump's speech for this shit?" screamed Stan.

"Hope I never had to see this coming! Gay Marriage in Langley Falls." said Francine. "Played this scene in my head so many times!" 

"There's only one thing to do! I am going to stop Prop. 69 Law from passing! All I need is an ally." said Stan. Suddenly out of nowhere, a fireball lands on Stan's arm and he screams in pain. "AAAAHHH!!!! Someone in the neighborhood must've heard me say that! They're against me already!" Then out of nowhere without any explanation, an earthquake occurred. "Why does this always happen whenever I want to stop a law from passing?" asked Stan. 

Roger peeped through the window. Roger was wearing a red hat, blue shirt, moustache and red overalls, brown boots, and talked in a fake Italian accent. "Ha Ha! We gotta you, Bowser!" laughed Roger. Klaus was with Roger and was none too happy. Klaus, being carried by Roger in his bowl was dressed in a green hat, blue shirt, moustache and overalls as well. "If you wanted to play this game, why not get a Nintendo and not play this for real, you dick! You should've made Steve do this instead of me!" said Klaus abhorrantly then began to whine. "Why did you make me be the sidekick?"! "Because I am older, bigger, and better than you in every way, Klaus!" said Roger. "So, I get to be the main character! That will leave you to be the wimpy milquetoast, submissive helper!" 

Stan pointed, "YOU!!!!! Get back here!" Stan chased after Roger around the house. "You're for Gay Marriage aren't you! Prop 69 Lover!" Roger yelled, "Don't know what you're talking about!" Stan chased Roger around outside the house, and then inside the house as Roger was screaming. Francine stepped in to stop the madness.

"What is going on here? Why did you know a fireball at Stan's arm, Roger!" asked Francine.

"Yeah, look!" said Stan showing Roger his burn. "This is almost a third degree burn! And where the *beep* did that earthquake come from? Did you steal from the CIA weapons room again!?" asked Stan.

"I did, but so what! They have got some cool stuff to prank people with!" said Roger. "Found an earthquake grenade that I used as a POW Block! I'm LARPing if you didn't know that already!" 

"We need that stuff to prank Isis and North Korea! Not for your lame ass destructive practical jokes!" said Stan. "Because of this burn, how am I going to go to City Hall and speak out against Prop 69?"

"Why the hell are you dressed like that!?" asked Francine. "Who are you supposed to be, a construction worker stripper? Like that movie Magic Mike?" 

"Geez, Frannie! You don't know who I am supposed to be?" said Roger in shock. "To think you used to LARP with Steve."

"Didn't answer the question! I'll ask again! Why did you throw a fireball and an earthquake grenade!?" said Stan.

Roger talks again in the fake Italian accent, "I am Super Mario! Plumber hero of the Mushroom Kingdom! I was trying to rescue the Princess from a turtle dragon hybrid!" 

Francine says to Stan, "He was trying to rescue a princess from a turtle dragon hybrid! Whatever the *beep* that means!" 

"Why you alcoholic, wisecracking, bisexual, asshole!" picking up him by the shirt collar, just as Stan was going to wail on Roger, Klaus comes wheeling himself in his bowl.

"Chill out, why don't you, Stan! You thought you had it bad, Roger made me be Luigi!" exclaimed Klaus. 

Stan starts to laugh at Klaus at he patted him on the head, "Cowardly sidekick younger brother! That is a great role for you!" Stan makes eye contact with Roger, "This will continue!" 

 

* * * 

 

The next day, Stan was pacing back and forth in the living room trying to conjure up and orchestrate a plan. Everyone in Langley Falls was voting for Prop 69. 

"If only there is some way I can stop from Prop 69, the Gay Marriage Law from passing! WWTD? Which stands for What Would Trump Do?" said Stan. "Got it! I am going to fight City Hall! There is no goddamned way I will let the conservative foundation of Langley Falls be faded away." 

Jeff and Hayley come into the house. 

"Hey, Dad! Guess where we were!" said Hayley. 

"At an MTV Rock The Vote Rally?" asked Stan.

"Don't think MTV does that anymore, Mr. S. We just voted yes on Prop 69!" said Jeff.

"Why am I not surprised! You both told me you were going to see a special screening of It Follows." said Stan.

"We didn't want to tell you until we got back." said Hayley.

"Today, we made a difference, Mr. S!!" said Jeff.

"It's like we're the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of this town! They're for gay marriage, too!" said Hayley.

Jeff and Hayley walk away. Francine walks in. 

"Did you vote?" asked Stan.

"There was something I was meaning to do today, forgot what it was." said Francine. "I'll think of it later! Taking some Xanax in the meantime. Hmmm, what was it again....."

Groaning in frustration, Stan wishes someone would side with him against Prop 69. Roger walks in.

"Stan, I just found out about Prop 69." said Roger.

"Knowing your actions from yesterday, you're probably for it!" said Stan.

"No, I also am against Prop 69, and I want to help you take it down." said Roger.

"This sounds strange coming from you, unless you have some secret conspiracy plan to turn against me at the last minute." said Stan. "Better not!" 

"You see, I just got back from my gay lover's Eduardo's place" said Roger.

"Why are most gays Hispanic? No wonder Trump wants to send them back to Mexico!" asked Stan.

"Hey, this is my story! So, here I was. I dressed as a girl and told him I got a sex change. Asked him to marry me before the law passes just as an experiment. He hates me now that I told him I was a girl and he threw me out. That's when I realized only straight men and women can get married. Can I be in on this plan, too!?" said Roger.

"All right, you can! At least someone is on my side about this. Let's go to City Hall!" said Stan. 

Langley Falls City Hall was lined up with voters. Stan and Roger enter through the back enterance to talk to Mayor Woodside. They approach Woodside's office.

"Let me do the talking, Roger." said Stan. 

Stan and Roger both walk into Mayor Woodside's room.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, please do come in." said Mayor Woodside.

"Thanks for seeing us on such short notice. We need to talk." said Stan.

"Guess this is about Prop 69, right!" asked Mayor Woodside.

"Correct. You see I am against this law from being passed. It threatens the cornerstone and the conservative religious legacy that Langley Falls was built on." explained Stan. "Want to get people aware that gays should never get married, and marriage should only be between a man and a woman."

"I see. What do you propose to do? Just to say, there is nothing I can do to turn people against this. People have a choice to think whatever they want." said Mayor Woodside.

"Great, I got that song from The Cranberries Free To Decide going through my head now. How about this, I make a speech about how bad and pointless gay marriage is. Turn people's opinions against Prop 69, I do it tommorow!" suggested Stan.

"Sorry about that, there is no time for a speech to be made. We need to plan for more fun and eventful things for families to do here in Langley Falls." said Mayor Woodside.

"What are these better things you have to do than let me give a speech?." asked Stan indignantly. 

"Like pie eating contests, pony rides, Ice Capades, and Kenny G concerts!" answered Mayor Woodside.

"Kenny G?" said Stan and Roger in unison. 

In a dream sequence, Stan and Roger imagine themselves at a Kenny G concert getting their teeth drilled by dentists. 

"You won't help me, fine! As usual I have to do everything myself! Come Roger!" said Stan as he and Roger walked out of Mayor Woodside's office. Then an idea comes to Stan.

"That's it! I don't need anyone's approvial to give a speech! On Wednesday in the afternoon, Stan Smith is going to speak out against Prop 69! I will be like Trump!" Stan said triumphanly. 

"Atta boy Stan! I won't have to be quiet when you do it, do I?" asked Roger.

"No, I'll let you rant, too!" said Stan.

Stan and Roger get everything ready to deliver Stan's speech against Prop 69.

 

* * * 

 

Wednesday was here. Stan and Roger were making preparations for their big speech to encourage people to vote No on Prop 69. Roger installed a podium in the middle of the street, and Stan hooks up a microphone. 

"If Trump can do this, so can I." exclaimed Stan. "Trump inspires me!" 

"Being motivated by fame inspires me!" said Roger. 

Cars drove past as Stan tries to give his speech to speak out against Prop. 69.

"My fellow citizens of Langley Falls! I, Stan Smith strongly advise you to vote no on Prop 69! Gay Marriage is an abomination....." 

Some cars were driving up to see what the commotion was all about. Eventually, even a seedy looking van.

Roger begins to swing a yo yo in Stan's direction. To try to attract more people. 

"For those who know the history of Langley Falls, and read the Bible...." continued Stan then he noticed Roger with the yo yo. "Roger! Knock that shit off! So, anyway. Marriage is the sanctity between a man and a woman! It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" 

Eager to get attention to show he was supporting Stan, Roger runs up and screams into the microphone, "Don't forget to watch the season finale of Empire, tonight on FOX!" Stan shoves Roger out of the way, "*beep* Off! So please. Just like Trump wants to restore good old fashioned conservative values on which America was known for, don't make Gay Marriage legal here! Prop 69 will make this town worse! It would be like letting in more Mexicans into the country. In order to make this town great and to uphold the conservative foundation in which it was built on....." 

Roger again makes a spectacle of himself. "If you all vote YES, you be doing flip flops!" said Roger as he was doing back handsprings. Then Stan throws him over his shoulder. Roger runs back and starts doing fake sign language. "Please excuse him, just trying to embarrass me there, who is with me? Which one of you will vote no on Prop 69? If you don't, you'll see boys play with dolls, girls play with trucks, people will think it's okay to be gay! Soon straight people won't exist anymore. Bad enough we have transgender bathrooms now!" Roger runs up the the microphone and screams! "Who wants some Lemonade? Beyonce Lemonade!" Stan shoves him aside again. 

People were speaking and murmuring in agreement. "If you are to go to City Hall today, do this town a favor, abolish Prop 69! Do whatever you have to do! Go door to door and have people sign petitions if you must, and lets make Langley Falls a better town for the American People!" 

The crowd erupted and roared in cheers for Stan. Much to his surprise. Roger comes up to the microphone podium and screams, "If Prop 69 doesn't get passed, party at my house!" People were cheered talking, "He's right. I don't want gays to get married." "If it happens, my kids might turn gay!" "I'm voting no on that law!" "Last thing we need, there's more important things at stake!" Stan said, "That is correct! Who has time to think about gay marriage when we have Isis and North Korea to think about!" "You're right, Stan! We will do everything not to have Prop 69 passed!"

Stan takes Roger aside. Little did they know that the seedy looking van was approaching them. People were walking away thinking of ways not to get Prop 69 passed. 

"We did it, Roger! People are actually on our side!" said Stan. "This is awesome! We'll be celebrities! We'll be bigger than The Duggars from 19 Kids and Counting!" said Roger excitedly. "Now, Roger we are not doing this for fame! We must follow...." before Stan and finish, both him and Roger were knocked out by blow darts. Then some hooded thugs loaded them both into the van and drove off. People all around did not notice Stan and Roger had been kidnapped. Jeff and Hayley saw everything.

"Dad's been abducted! We need to save him!" said Hayley. "Even if they are against gays being married." 

"It's our civic duty, Hayley babe! Stan is our family! Roger I never really cared for. Let's try to follow that truck!" suggested Jeff as he and Hayley went into their van and tried to follow the van that abducted Stan and Roger.

 

* * * 

 

Momentarily, Stan and Roger woke up after being knocked out by blow darts. They find themselves in a gloomy, dismal, glab basement looking room. They also find themselves with their hands tied behind their backs and their ankles tied together. Stan and Roger try to break free but to no avail, then they look all around to try to figure out where they were.

"Hmmm, whoever it was who kidnapped us, why didn't they ball gag us, Stan?" said Roger.

"You and your erotic fixations! Obviously someone kidnapped us because they didn't like us speaking out against gays being married with Prop 69! But first, let's try to find an escape." said Stan.

Roger sees a window, but it was too far for them to reach. "Window's up there, we could try to climb it....."

"If we weren't tied up! Dammit! Wish these jokers who kidnapped us would reveal themselves so we can kick their sorry asses!" said Stan angerly. "And at least tell us what their plan is, or where we are!" 

"Is it me or does this look like the set of As Above So Below!" said Roger.

"This is no time for your shitty balderdash!" said Stan. "Try to figure out a scheme!" 

The door to the room Stan and Roger were opened. The people who kidnapped them reveal themselves. They were two men, and a woman. The two men had black hair and one had blond. They all wore white shirts that said, "Gay Lives Matter", jeans, and sneakers. The woman had long brown hair tied into a ponytail, glasses, a black skirt, and strappy sandals and had dark blue nail polish on her toes. Their names were Mike, Larry, and Tamela. They were all twenty somethings college students. 

"GAY LIVES MATTER! GAY LIVES MATTER! GAY LIVES MATTER!" chanted Mike, Larry, and Tamela 20 times over.

"Oh, no! Activists! What are you going to do with us! We're both highly trained fighters!" demanded Stan.

"We participate in underground fight clubs! Stan quick! You take the guys, I'll take the girl!" said Roger.

"STOP!!!!!" screamed Mike. "We kidnapped you because you both spoke about against Prop 69!!! We are the Extreme Gay Rights Activist Group!" 

"You're both exactly right! We hated your speech. Everybody who's in love has a right to be married! Especially gays!" said Larry.

"We are going to hide you away in a place far away until the law gets passed!" said Tamela.

"Okay, then what!?" asked Roger.

"Don't encourage them!" yelled Stan.

"Right wing maniacs don't realize how important it is for repressed minorities to have rights!" said Mike. "They need more rights than you whites!" 

"You Republicans make me sick! You're all a bunch of shitheads! All of you want to take away the rights from innocent people! What's next? You going to deny blacks and Hispanics the right to get married, too?" asked Larry in a sneer.

"Won't be able to push your conservative agenda this time, bitches!" said Tamela. 

"Before we take you both for another ride......" began Mike. Roger interupted him.

"Ride! Oh, boy! Where to? Can we go to Dave and Busters?" said Roger.

"They mean they're going to kill us!" said Stan. "Don't you get that?"

"We're going to keep you here for a while. Yes we all have you both publicly executed when Prop 69 gets passed and the first gay couple gets hitched. Now you're going to have fun with our leader...." said Mike.

"You extreme bastards!" screamed Roger. 

"Thought you were the leader." said Stan as him and Roger struggled against their constraints.

"We're going to leave you to have fun with our leader, Mother!" said Larry intimidately.

Stan and Roger laugh at that name Mother. 

"Oh, Mother!" yelled out Mike, Larry, and Tamela.

Mother comes out to terrorize Stan and Roger. Mother was a seven foot tall black guy who was very muscular. All he had on was a pair of Purple Spalding sweat pants. Mother walks up to Roger who was breaking out in a cold sweat. 

"Sooo, what's this I hear about you honky mother*beep*s not wanting gays to get married!?" asked Mother.

"D-d-d-d-d-d-don't beat me! Geez, I'm like Red Buttons in Pete's Dragon.You blaxplotation era blacks are more scarier in person! " staggered Roger.

"Get back to you later, you're too much of a chicken shit anyway!" said Mother. Then he turns to Stan who was planning to joke his way out. 

"Why the hell are you called, Mother?" asked Stan. "Let the snarky sarcasm begin." whispered Stan under his breath.

"You better be careful around him," warned Larry.

"Tell them why." said Mike.

"They call me that cuz' I'm one bad Mudda!" answered Mother shaking his fist at Stan and spitting in his face as he talked. 

Stan snicked than Mother snarled at him. Stan decides to try to joke his way out of it. 

"You think that's funny?! Wanna see funny....." said Mother. "It will be hilarious to put my fist up yo ass, ho!" Turns to Roger, "then my fist up yo, *beep*." Roger squirmed. 

"1975 called, it wants it's Afro back!" joked Stan.

"Just earned yourself a whupping, punk!" Mother said aggressively.

"Jay Z sucks! So does P Diddy! Sting and Eddie Van Halen! Now that's musical talent! Go back to the hood where you belong!" said Stan. "Bet you're a product of a teenage pregnancy! I know all about you ghetto hoods! Parents probably went to prison for drugs or murder, and you were raised by a Grandmother and had to live off *speaks in a black persons voice 'child support payments!" 

Mother got turbulent over Stan's snide remarks. 

"Looks like this one will be a problem! Thinks he's a comedian!" said Mother.

"Yep, I'm a regular Kevin Hart!" said Stan proudly.

"Why didn't I think of that?" said Roger depressed. "I'm always the one who tells jokes when I'm kidnapped."

"You had your chance, let someone else be the humorist! Can't always be you!" said Stan to Roger.

Mike, Larry, and Tamela all come back. They decide to take Stan and Roger to a secret hiding place.

"Guys, let's take these freakazoids to our real secret hideout!" said Mother. 

"Freakazoid! That's my favorite 1990s cartoon! Awesome reference!" said Roger.

Mother knocked out both Stan and Roger on the heads and they take them into the van once again. Jeff and Hayley were watching from a distance.

"Good thing we followed them, Hayley babe! This is exciting!" said Jeff.

"Sure is, this has been kind of a turn on! Even bigger thrill then when we got married!" said Hayley. seductively. 

"What should we do as soon as they leave?" asked Jeff.

"We'll continue to stay out of sight and follow them." said Hayley.

The van drives off with Stan and Roger inside. Jeff and Hayley soon followed but kept a low profile. 

Mike was driving the van. Unbeknownst to them, it had rained and the roads were slippery.

"Here is what we can do! There's going to be a carnival coming when the law gets passed...." said Larry.

"We'll put these right wing nut jobs on the ferris wheel and put it to full blast!" said Mike.

"Awesome! That'll kill those assholes, teach them never to mess with the secularist progressive!" said Larry.

"The sooner we kill these honkies the better!" said Mother. "Anything I hate more is a smartass white man!" 

"You couldn't have said it better yourself, Mother!" said Tamela.

"What does that sign say, dawg?" asked Mother.

"It says, 'Slippery When Wet'." said Larry.

"Oh, no! Nobody told us it rained! Thought the roads sounded watery." said Mike.

"I can feel it! We're starting to skid!" screamed Tamela.

"We're gonna crash! Son of a bitch!" they all screamed as the van skidded off the road and twirled around into 5 circles. Stan and Roger both regain conscienseness and the back door opened and Roger fell out. 

"Whoooo! Freeedddddooooommmmmm! Baby!" said Roger happily. 

"Roger! Send for help!" screamed Stan. The van went back to normal and drove off with Stan, leaving Roger behind. 

 

* * * 

 

At the side of the bridge where the Extreme Gay Rights Activists' Mike, Mother, Larry, and Tamela's van had skidded. Roger was able to land safely. He got out of his constraints, then quickly put on a disguise consisting of a brown t shirt, a cap with the University of Louisiana on it, pair of faded jeans, and sneakers. Jeff and Hayley still prusued the van, and they had no idea that Roger fell out. Roger climbed to the side of the road and saw a girl in a distance. He knew he had to have her. Roger decided to not bother to try to look for Stan. "Let them have Stan! Better him than me! Last time I help him to overturn a law!" said Roger. "And he thinks _I_ get him into trouble"? 

"Sure wish I had a boyfriend to impress my sorority sisters." said the girl. Her name was Tori. She was a blond, blue eyed, wore a tight shirt and capri length pants, and suede slip on clogs. Roger approaches her. 

"In need of a boyfriend, you say?" asked Roger. "Yes! How did you know! Who are you?" asked Tori. "My name is Scotty Puckett, truck driver!" answered Roger. "If your name is Scotty, why does your hat have an L on it?" asked Tori. "Oh, this! It's from the University of Louisiana. It was from a friend of mine who went there." was the answer Roger gave and was able to fool her. "You found yourself one, bitch! Wanna go out?" "You bet I do! I want to score with someone to impress my sorority sisters! I'm the only one who doesn't have a boyfriend. Plus, I'm still a virgin." said Tori dejectedly. "You go to college?" asked Roger. "Yes, I go to Groff Community. What would you like to do?" asked Tori. "How about we have some drunken hot sex?" said Roger. "Oooooh, risk taker! I love that! I got some cocaine!" chirped Tori. "Did I mention I am cheap loose and easy?" "Just my kind of girl!" said Roger who couldn't be more happier to be away from Stan. 

In a few short minutes, Roger and Tori go into a hotel room. To keep his alien indentity and what happened to him and Stan a secret, Roger conjured up a story. "So why did you fall out of a van?" asked Tori "I got kidnapped by some gangsters my brother was in debt to. They tracked us down." lied Roger. "Holy shit! You got kidnapped? Thought I saw some rope around that road we met. Aren't you going to find your brother?" asked Tori in shock. "Nah, not right now! I am SO happy to be away from him! Day in and day out he's always depending on me to make his shit better for him!" said Roger angerly. "I hear you! Needy relatives are the worst! Had a Grandmother who was like that!" said Tori. "Like in the movie War Games, would you like to play a game"? asked Roger. "What do you have in mind?" asked Tori. "Still got the rope I was tied with. But first, before we have sex, let's play sip poker!" said Roger as he got out a 6 pack of beer. "How do you play?" asked Tori. "I take a sip of beef, and you strip, then you take a sip of beer, and I strip!" said Roger. "I love so much right now!" said Tori. She had no idea Roger was an alien. According to Roger, having sex with a cheap, loose easy sorority girl, was way more fun than being kidnapped. Or escaping then try to track down the captors. 

Roger sips a beer and watches Tori take off her shirt, then Tori does the same and Roger takes off his pants, and so on. Roger turned on the radio. The songs "Sit Down, I Think I Love You" by The Mojo Men, and "Little Girl" by Syndicate of Sound were playing loudly on the radio. Tori and Roger started to snort cocaine and were now both drunk and naked. Roger and Tori were now in bed having sex. Then Roger tells Tori, "What is your favorite beer!" Tori answered, "Michelob!" "Can't hear you!" said Roger. Tori says, "Michelob! Michelob! Michelob!" Afterwards, Roger tied up Tori and she did the same to him. "Oh, You so kinky!" said Tori! "Words cannot describe just how horny I am"! said Roger.

 

Minutes turn into hours and Roger and Tori were both still high. They were laying next to each other in bed. "That was the best sex ever! You are SO FUN." exclaimed Tori. "Yeah, tell me about it! Now you have more value to your friends!" said Roger. "Would you like to look for your brother now?" asked Tori. "Nah, let them have him! His name is Tommy, and he was a total failure! He's obese, in debt......" Their time of drunken sex comes to an abrupt halt as they hear angry knocking on the door. "WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE!?!?!?!?!" screamed the man outside the door. "Oh, no! That's the landlord!" said Tori. "At least it's not your husband! Wait! Landlord!?" asked Roger horrified. "Afraid it is. He hates it when people have sex in their apartments." said Tori. "IS THERE ANY HANKY PANKY IN THERE?" screamed the landlord again from outside. "I'll take care of this!" said Roger. "Careful!" said Tori. Roger was determined not to let anything ruin his fun. Tori and Roger struggled to get their clothes back on. 

The Landlord broke into the room. "AH HA! SO THERE WAS SOME HANKY PANKY GOING ON IN HERE!" he shouted boisteriously. The Landlord picked up an empty beer bottle and a straw. "BEER? DRUGS! Think this calls for an eviction!" The Landlord sees Roger, "Who the *beep* are you?" Roger walks up to him drunkenly. "Stay away from him! Don't let him beat you up!" said Tori. Roger slurs his words, forst he sings, "My baby does the hanky panky! *laughs* I'm Scotty Puckett, truck driver! Keep away from me and my booty call! You son of a bitch!" "We do not allow sex, parties, loud music or booty calls in here! I don't believe you're a truck driver!" said The Landlord. "I am so!" slurred Roger again. The Landlord looks at Roger closely again. "Wait a minute, I know who you are! You're Dick Morris! Just because you work in Washington, you think you can *beep* any girl you want!" said the Landlord boldly "I am not no Clinton ass kisser! Christ! What decade do you live in? I am Scotty Puckett! TRUCK DRIVER!" screamed Roger on top of his lungs. Then Roger gets into a karate stance. "I am also a tenth degree black belt in martial arts! Prepare to feel my wrath as I channel my inner Bruce Lee!" Roger proceeded to attack the Landlord with karate. "HEEEEEE YAAAWWWW!" Roger kicked and punched the Landlord in the nose, stomach, knees until he was knocked senseless. Roger then punched a hole in the wall. Roger grabbed the now beaten and injured Landlord by the arm and threw him back and forth. "So Solly! So solly! So solly! So solly!" Roger slurred in a fake oriental accent, then he finished off the Landlord by throwing him into the parking lot. Tori looked in awe. "Ohh, Scotty! Thanks for much for defending my honor!" she said. 

"It was nothing, really! Fighting for women is my speciality." said Roger. "Where did you learn to fight like that?" asked a curious Tori. "Oh, before I became a truck driver, I was a Navy Seal for Five Years. Even did some time in Afghanistan. Bowe Bergdahl was in my troop." Roger said as he came up with an explaination. "Thank you so much for letting me have sex with you! My sorority sisters will be proud!" said Tori. "No problem!!" said Roger.

 

* * * 

 

Somewhere in the mountains, there was a stone cabin with a wishing well in front. The Gay Marriage Activists' secret hideout was located. Mike, Larry, Tamela, and Mother were inside. They had Stan tied to a pole. Mike, Larry, Tamela, and Mother were all playing a politically correct version of Clue as Stan was helplessly watching. They made their version of Clue be all minorities. "OKay, I think the Korean butler did it in the basement!" said Mike. ""No way man! It was Mrs. Peacockstein, the Jewish widow!" said Larry. "You're both wrong! It was really the gay Professor Jerome! Who's of black and hispanic desent." said Tamela. "Let's take a break to check in on our captives". said Mother. They looked at Stan, "He seems all right!" said Mike. "I'd like to knock you on your ass right now!" said Stan angerly. "What did you guys do with the other one"? asked Mother. "I think he is in the trunk!" said Tamela. "Go look!" said Mother. Mike, Larry, and Tamela assumed Roger was still in their custody. Mother decides to hassle Stan a little. "It ain't cool the way you insulted me earlier! Guess what? While you honky assees was knocked out, we heard on our XM radio in the van that Prop 69 has over 89% electorial votes!" said Mother. 

"It may be that way now, but I'll find a way to stop it!" said Stan. "How are you going to do that? You tied up! There is no escape! On Friday when the vote on Prop 69 passes, we're all going to execute both you honkies! Hope you like ferris wheels!" said Mother dupicilously. "Did anybody ever tell ya, you look like a genetically altered Woody Strode?" laughed Stan. Mother slaps Stan. Then Mike, Larry, and Tamela scramble up the stairs frantically to tell them the news that Roger was gone. 

"We have bad news! That other captive we had who was helping this asshole is GONE!" said Larry. "WHAT?!?!? Then go find him! I want him back!" said Mother as he slammed his fist on the table. "He must've flown out when we skidded on that slippery road." said Tamela. "Yes sir, Mother! We're on the case!" said Mike. "Roger is gone? Why didn't he try to find me and go after these punks!" wondered Stan. "Perhaps he realizes what a dick you are!" said Tamela. "You three go find that other honky and bring him back to me! Do whatever it takes to track him down! I want these two both DEAD!!!!" said Mother. "Find him anywhere, resturants, public bathrooms, gas stations, bomb shelters....." ranted Mother. "Yeah, try to find him at Grossingers! Or better yet, Timberline Lodge! Be sure to say hi to two twin girls there! " said Stan humorously. "Look everywhere! JUST BRING HIM BACK!" screamed Mother as Mike, Larry, and Tamela were scattering into their van to look for Roger. Mother, Mike, Larry, and Tamela wanted both Stan and Roger dead for speaking out against Prop 69. 

Down a little ways from the mountain, Jeff and Hayley were in their van. They listened to their plans through a bug that Stan had planted in him. "Did you hear that, Hayley babe? They're going to kill Stan and Roger!" said Jeff. "We should take action however not so soon!" said Hayley. "It was rather awesome that Prop 69 is on the verge of being passed!" exclaimed Jeff. "You are right it is, I heard them say they will kill Stan and Roger on a ferris wheel at a carnival when Prop 69 is passed." said Hayley. "When the time is right, we will strike!" said Jeff. "Too bad we can't be happy right now about this Gay Marriage Law passing." said Hayley. Jeff and Hayley decide to wait until Friday to rescue Stan and Roger.

Back at the hotel room, Roger and Tori were both vomiting. "This is the price you pay when you party." said Tori. "Yeah, but I love it." said Roger as he staggers across the room. "Where you are going? I want to introduce you to my dorm mates!" said Tori. " Tell you what, I'll step out for a while and get some more beer and drugs then we can really party and you can invite your friends!" said Roger. "Can feel the cheap thrill now!" said Tori excitedly. 

Roger walked out of the hotel room in a drunken stupor. "Damn hangover!" he mumbled. Roger tried to make his way to the convenience store, the distance seemed far. "Just a little more......ways....." said Roger slurring again. Mike, Larry, and Tamela were able to track Roger down. They stopped the van, got out, and cholroformed Roger and threw him back into the van. Tori heard the commotion and she ran out and screamed. "OH MY GOSH! SCOTTY! SCOTTY!!! SCOTTY!!! SCOTTY!!! COME BACK!! YOU PROMISED!" The van drove it's way back to their stone cabin hideout. Roger was kidnapped again. Once Roger was back in Mike's, Mother's, Larry's, and Tamela's captivity, they tied Roger up in the bathroom.

 

* * * 

 

 

While Mother, Mike, Larry, and Tamela were watching the local news to hear that Prop 69 was getting more and more votes. Stan and Roger were locked in a small room in the basement. "Got caught again, huh!?" said Stan to Roger. "Where were you and what were you doing after you got thrown from that van?" "Only for me to know and you to find out!" said Roger. "They noticed you were gone. But why didn't you go to the police, or send Bullock and the CIA to try to look for me? Doesn't anyone in this family mean ANYTHING to you?" asked Stan to try to build guilt into Roger. "If you must know, I had a lot of drunken cocaine fueled sex with a sorority girl!" said Roger. "Wanted to get away for a while! And yes, I could've left you to rot! Besides, you're no better than I am! I, too get fed up with bring involved in _your_ monstrosities!" Stan's rage was building up inside him. "That would be like you, wouldn't it! Abandon me so you can tend to your shitty ass insignificant pleasures! You don't care who's in danger, just as long as you get to have the fun you want to have!" yelled Stan.

Mother came into check on Stan and Roger. "Great news fo us! Bad news fo you!" he said. "Bad news first, getting used to that!" said Stan as he eyed Roger with animosity. "Prop 69 is on the verge of being passed! So, enjoy your last 24 hours together, asswipes!" laughed Mother evilly. Before Mother left, he leaves a gas tank full of Nitro Glycerine. "In case you mofos are thirsty, here's a little something for nourishment!" Mother left Stan and Roger alone with the Nitro Glycerine can. "I'm not drinking that!" said Stan. "I will! Need a little fun right now!" said Roger as he proceeds to drink the can. "I'm going to chug it all down so there's none left for you!" said Roger. "At this point right now, Roger! I don't care anymore! DO IT!" said Stan much to his chagrin. "Hope you explode! Here's a thought, when you're done chugging it all down, swallow a firecracker and see what happens! That would be a magnificent sight!" laughed Stan manically. 

Roger chugged the Nitro Glycerine down as fast as he could. Stan began to withdrawl in disgust as he had no other option but to watch. When Roger was done, he began to get very hyper to the point of maximum overdrive. "F-f-f-f-forgot to t-t-t--tell you! My spieces gets hyper when they drink Nitro Glycerine! H-h-h-eeeere I GO!!!!!" Roger began to jump up and down really fast and talked like a manic. "WWWWEEE!!! WWWWEEEE!!!! Bow Bow Bow Yippie Yo! Yippie Yay! Bow Wow Wow Yippie Yo Yippie Yay! THIS IS THE BEST KIDNAPPING EVER!!!!" began Roger, and that was only the beginning of the worst. Roger was bouncing from side to side and Stan just sat there. "Oh, Roger!" said Stan, he buried his head. Roger climbed the walls, "We're the Men In Black! We're the Men In Black! I'm Tommy Lee Jones, and You're Will Smith! No wait! We're the Dukes of Hazzard! Yeeeee! Hooooooo! Yeeeeeee! Hoooooooo! I'm Johnny Knoxville, you're Sean William Scott! We The Good Ol' Boys! Aren't we Stan? Even better! Dude! Where's My Car! Dude! Where's My Car! Dude! Sweet! Dude! Sweet! Dude! Sweet! *singing* Can't Get Enough Of You Baby! Can't Get Enough of You Baby! Yes it's true!" Roger jumped from the wall and did the Tarzan call, Stan was getting infuriated minute by minute. 

Roger began to throw himself on the floor and then get up again. Roger also spinned in circles. "You're acting like an asshole! Why don't you put some good use into this hyperactivity of yours to help us escape!" suggested Stan. "Remember this from Youtube! I'M A BANANA! I'M A BANANA! I'M A BANANA! I'M A BANANA!" exclaimed Roger. Stan looked on as Roger continued to go more feral. "You can't forget this! Vintage from 2010! PANTS TO THE GROUND! PANTS TO THE GROUND! C'MON EVERYBODY GET YOUR PANTS TO THE GROUND! C'MON EVERYBODY GET YOUR PANTS TO THE GROUND!" said Roger as he took off his pants and started running rampant. Roger was singing a combination of "I'm a Banana and Pants to The Ground!. "I'll combine the songs together! I'M A BANANA WITH HIS PANTS TO THE GROUND! I'M A BANANA WITH HIS PANTS TO THE GROUND! hahahahahahahahha! How do you like it, Stan! How did you like it? Fun Stan, huh huh huh huh huh huh?" "Hope I never have to be stuck in a room with you ever again." said Stan.

Mike, Mother, Larry, and Tamela had a hidden camera on Stan and Roger. They were laughing at them. "Check that out! That one honky is going apeshit crazy!" said Mike. "I know, right! That chump in the suit can't stand him!" said Larry. Mother, Tamela, Mike and Larry all exploded with laughter as they enjoyed what they were seeing occurring in Stan and Roger. "If we ever get rescued, I am going to enjoy beating you up, Roger! I'll start by splitting your lip!" yelled Stan. 

 

* * * 

 

Friday had come. Prop 69 had passed. Greg and Terry make an official announcement on the local news. Greg and Terry were both giddy with glee. "Today, this is the moment we've been hoping for!" said Greg. "You're right! Do you want to tell the people, or should I?" asked Terry. "Let's both do it together, sweetie!" said Greg. "Prop 69 has passed! Gays can now get married!" said Greg and Terry as they both squealed with delight. Francine come on the TV, "I agreed to be their bridesmaid! Don't be mad at me, Stan! Where is he, anyway?" "To celebrate, Greg and I are going to be married at the yearly Langley Falls Spring Carnival! See you all there!" "It's all thanks to you people for caring about gay's rights"! said Greg. Mother, Larry, Mike, and Tamela were watching it on the news and they cheered. "Hooray for minority rights! We made a difference!" said Mike. "That's right we did! Let's go kill those intolerate assholes!" said Mother. Down in the basement, Tamela went with Mother to get Stan and Roger they had shots full of roofies. Stan had all he could tolerate from Roger's wild streak. "Next up, Brad Garrett as Bill Cosby 'I put the roofie in the jell-o! Funny! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!" Roger said as he was still wild and rampant from the Nitro Glycerine. 

"Knock out that sombitch first, Tamela!" ordered Mother. Tamela gave Roger the roofie shot. Roger gradually calmed down. "For my next impression, Jesse Owens......" "Thank *beep*ing God! Do you have any idea what it was like to sit through that 24 hours straight?!" shouted Stan. "Good, you deserved it, dickweed!" said Mother. "Simple proposition! f you let me go you can have him if you want. Willing to do it that way! He never meant anything to me anyway! Never even cared about one another!" suggested Stan. "NO! You die today, too! Along with him! How dare you speak out against repressed gays and minorities! Priviledged White mother *beep*ers!" said Mother. "You have no idea what it was like for these poor race groups and for the LBGT community to grow up without any advantages! For that, you must pay!" said Tamela. She approached Stan with the roofie shot. "You want to drug me! Go ahead and get it over with!" demanded Stan. Tamela administered the roofie shot to Stan. Falling alseep, Mother picked up both Stan and Roger who were drugged due to the effects of the roofie shot. "Mike! Larry! Throw these foos in the van! After the way they acted, they need to be chained up!" Mike and Larry followed Mother's orders and put Stan and Roger in the van.

 

* * * 

 

Mother, Mike, Larry, and Tamela were driving their van to the Langley Falls Spring Carnival. Stan and Roger were waking up from being sedated by the roofie shots slowly. Stan's and Roger's wrists and ankles were fettered. Behind them there was Jeff and Hayley in hot prusuit. Jeff had a missile launcher while Hayley was driving. The Doors Roadhouse Blues plays. 

"Do we really have to resort to violence? This goes against everything we believe in." said Jeff in a concerned tone of voice.

"I don't feel right about it either, Jeff. It's like we're at a variance with our own kind. But if this is what it takes to save my Dad! So be it!" said Hayley.

"I admire you for this." said Jeff. He looks at the missile launcher. "We using real missiles"? he asked Hayley.

"No, that missile launcher is loaded with motor oil cans." said Hayley.

"Is it Oil Lift?" asked Jeff.

"It's Slick 50. Aim and fire at the van!" said Hayley.

Jeff aimed the missile launcher at the Activist's van. "I'll say something cool when I shoot at them!" 

"Yo, activists who kidnapped Stan Smith! I'm feeling very SLICK right now!" said Jeff as he shot the missile launcher at the van. The Van was hit. "Do it again!" ordered Hayley. Jeff fires again and the van got hit again. Mother, Mike, Tamela, and Larry all felt a jolt. "What was that!?" asked Mother. Mike looking outside the van window, "Looks like someone is trying to bump us off the road!" screamed Larry. "Probably wants to stop us from killing these foos! Speed up, faster!" demanded Mother. 

Hayley and Jeff struggle to catch up to the van and continue to try to shoot more oil cans at it. The van speeded up over 150 miles, leaving Hayley and Jeff in the dust. That didn't stop them from chasing them to the Langley Falls Spring Carnival. 

"We lost them! Babe! Stan and Roger are as good as dead!" said Jeff.

"No we haven't! I know where the Carnival is being held." said Hayley. "But we'll have to hide and attack them when the time is right!" 

Mother, Larry, Mike, and Tamela parked their van at the Carnival. They threw Stan and Roger out and shot a gun in the air. Everyone at the Carnival screamed and ran away. Greg and Terry were there getting married with Francine as their bridesmaid, but they decided to ignore the chaos. 

"Everybody out! Leave this Carnival effective immediately! We need this place to perform an execution!" screamed Mother. "Okay, people! Listen up! Put these two right wing assholes next to the ferris wheel." ordered Mother. They heard a horn in the distance. "What was that horn?" asked Mike. "Maybe someone wants to stop this!" said Larry. "Good point! Let's follow the sound from that horn." said Tamela. Mother was concerned Stan and Roger were going to escape. So he tightened their wrist and ankle restraints. "You're both not going anywhere! When we come back, you're both gonna die!" Mother ran off with Mike, Larry, and Tamela to track down where the horn sound is coming from. Stan and Roger were left to await their impending fate.

"Oh boy! We're at a Carnival, Stan! Let's have some fun first before we die! Lets get some lollipops, cotton candy, corn dogs, and caramel corn!" said Roger. "This is no time to have fun! They're going to kill us on that ferris wheel! All I wanted was to make Langley Falls great like Donald Trump wants to make America Great. Now look at us! About to die at the hands of psycho liberals!" lamented Stan. "Worst part is? Prop 69 has passed! If it weren't for being in the capitivity of these psycho gay rights activists, we would've won. " Stan continued to bemoan. Things may seem bleek for Stan and Roger, but he still has hope they they will be saved somehow. 

"Well, you can sit here and feel sorry for yourself if you want, but I want to live out my last moments!" said Roger as he staggered to the nearest concession stand. Though his ankles were restrained, he still managed to make it to the stands. Once Roger comes back, he has a bag full of caramel corn, a corn dog, cotton candy, and a hot dog. Stan looks at him with his eyes filled with resentment towards him. "How did you get that food without paying for it?" asked Stan. "I told them I was going to be executed, they felt sorry for me. Sold me this junk food for free!" explained Roger. "If we go on the ferris wheel, and if you vomit on me, I am done with you!" said Stan. "You can't have this food, Stan! You've been such a dick to me ever since I came into your life!" said Roger. "You brought it on yourself by being such an sociopathic, pathetic, alcoholic, bisexual shithead all these years you've lived with us! Sometimes I think you're related to Roger Clinton! Funny how you're both named Roger! No scratch that! You must be related to Billy Carter! HA! At least it's democrats who have crazy black sheep brothers! At least Donald Trump has a straight laced family." said Stan.

Mother, Mike, Larry, and Tamela were at the fairgrounds where they pony rides were. There they see Steve, Barry, Snot, and Toshi ride on ponies and they ride past Stan and Roger. "Ahhh, pony rides! The one ride that isn't mechanical, and can't be jolted from! " said Steve. "You said it, Steve! And they're safe, too! Who needs roller coasters!" said Snot. "My pony is too small for me!" said Barry "Steve! Steve! It's me Stan! I was kidnapped! Find a key for these chains! We're about to be killed." called Stan out to Steve, but him, Snot, Barry, and Toshi ignored them. 

"Heard that horn, it's from around these stables, boss". said Larry. "Excellent, now let's find out who blew them!" demanded Mother. Tamela went into the stables and looked under the doors. "Nothing here!" she called out. Jeff and Hayley were hiding on top. Then Mike, Larry, and Mother join her and look around. They hear the horn again, the sound grew louder by the minute. "AAAAHHH!! Who's doing this!" screamed Tamela. They all try to run out of the stables, then out of nowhere, Jeff and Hayley corner them armed with a bazooka used earlier. "WHO ARE YOU?" screamed Mother. "We're liberal activists, too! We are NOT on your side! We NEVER stoop to extreme criminal activity! What did you do to my father!" said Hayley. "That dude we nabbed is your father? Look, You don't understand! People who speak out against poor repressed minorities deserve to die a horrible death, that's our motto!" said Larry. "You resorted to kidnapping and murder! That makes you no better than those conservatives who want people like you to go to war! You give activists a bad name!" said Jeff. "Forget it! You're not going to stop us!" said Tamela. "Your father dies, today!" said Mike. "You're going to pay for what you did to my father and his friend! You all should be ashamed of yourselves! FIRE AT WILL, Jeff!" ordered Hayley. "With pleasure!" said Jeff. Hayley watched as Jeff shot the bazooka and Oil Cans of Slick 50 hit Mike, Larry, Mother, and Tamela. The force of the oil can bazooka caused Mother to fly out the enterance to the stables. Mother, Larry, Mike, and Tamela were all knocked out. Before he fell down, Mother spoke a few words, "A truck hit me!" 

Jeff got his cellphone to call the police and found some keys on Mike. "Wonder what these are for?" wondered Jeff. "Good job, Jeff! Let's go save my Dad and then we'll enjoy Greg and Terry's wedding!" said Hayley. "I know where the ferris wheel is!" said Jeff. Hayley and Jeff run to the ferris wheel. Terry was walking down the aisle to meet Greg and Father Donovan was there. 

Roger was still pigging out on the junk food that was given to him. "You don't know what you're missing here!" said Roger. Stan put his palm in Roger's face. "Talk to the hand! If I wasn't in these chains, I'd strangle you!" said Stan. "DAD! DAD!!!" called out Hayley. "Hayley! Over here!" called out Stan. "We defeated the Activists who captured you!" said Jeff. "Jeff is talking World of Warcraft dialogue!" said Roger. 

Hayley and Jeff ran up to Stan and Roger. "We saw what happened and he infiltrated the whole thing for the past week!" said Hayley. "CIA skills run in the family. Now unchain us!" said Stan. Jeff got the keys and freed Stan and Roger from the chains that binded them. Roger said, "Thank you so much for saving us!" then Roger planted a kiss on Jeff. "Blah! Gross!" exclaimed Jeff. 

"Oh, Dad. I'm so glad you're okay. Had my doubts you weren't going to make it. I had to go against my own kind to save Roger and you." said Hayley. "I know You used to think I hated you, but I never did." "Even though we're different politically, you're still my daughter. Know what, for taking such a risk to rescue me. I'm proud of you. And you too, Jeff! Considering you are a stoner slacker who never got his life together!" said Stan. "Thanks Mr. S. Means a lot! Hayley and I had a lot of fun trying to save you." said Jeff. "Since I'm in your debt, I can do whatever it is you want to do." said Stan. 

"Bet I know what that is!" snickered Roger. "How about we watch Greg and Terry get married?" suggested Hayley. Stan gulped at the thought of having to sit through Langley Falls's first gay marriage ceremony. "All right, it's your call." said Stan. "It's your reward and I'll do it for you, my special little girl." 

Everyone in Langley Falls came back to the Carnival. Father Donovan was at the alter as Greg and Terry said their vows. "By the power vested in me by the state of Virginia and Prop 69 being passed, I now pronounce you, man and husband! Here they are, the first gay married couple in Langley Falls, Greg and Terry Corbin! You may kiss your groom!" 

Cheers erupted as Greg and Terry kissed. "We're finally married!" Greg and Terry yelled in happiness. "We did it!" 

Deep down, Stan groaned in disgust. Francine threw rice at Greg and Terry. Roger laughed, "Being forced to watch the thing you were against and tried to stop! What shitty irony, huh?" 

"Shut up, Roger!" said Stan. "Isn't this great! Gays finally have the right to get married!" said Hayley. "Reminds me of our wedding in way! said Jeff. "You both just be glad you weren't stuck in a basement with Roger for 24 hours straight!" said Stan.

Everyone in Langley Falls cheered for Greg and Terry and congratulated them for being the first gay married couple. It was on the front page of the Langley Falls Times the next day.

 

The End

 

The preceeding has been a Narwhal Puppy Production.


End file.
